And so it ends...

Well, friends, it would be seem we have to come to the end of this little adventure. I find myself once again dealing with the pain of goodbyes, culture shock and readjusting to life in America. My story has come full circle but I am far from where I started. These last five months were a time of intense spiritual growth,  plenty of new experiences and where I did a lot of growing up... They have taken my relationship with God to a whole new level and woken me up to come to an even greater understanding of how much more there is in this world than just me.
Being home has been both unbelievably amazing and surprisingly difficult. I've loved being with my family again, sleeping in my own bed, eating home-cooked meals... But at the same time,  I feel somewhat lost without the people who have been my family these last five months and the structured, busy daily schedule that YWAM provided. Tomorrow, I leave on yet another (much)short(er)-term missions trip with my church to Pelican Rapids in Minnesota. I will be helping to lead a small group, working in the kitchen, and will be part of an evangelism team that will be ministering to the Hispanic and Somali communities nearby. After I get back, I will start work and will be working through the end of July here in Minnesota. In August, I head out East for a family reunion and then make my way to Miami University of Ohio where I will be studying Journalism.
Before I wrap this up, here are a few pictures from my time in Haiti to give you all an idea of what it was like:

One of the hundreds of tent cities in Port-au-Prince

One of the many beautiful faces of Haiti

At the orphanage in Port-au-Prince

Doing laundry by hand... a pretty exciting skill :) 

Piles of rubble were everywhere in the capital.

Maxsteeve, Valencia, Samantha and their Mom

One of the villages outside Gonaives

Painting- one of my newly acquired skills!

Preaching at one of the many churches we visited

And so it ends... This amazing chapter of my life has come to a close. Thank you so very much to all of you who made this possible through financial support, and to all of you who covered my time in prayer! I have loved every minute of this adventure with you- and a whole new sort of adventure is just about to begin...

The Denouement

I write this sitting on an actual bed, in a spacious room in a massive guesthouse overlooking the beach, surrounded by all kinds of tropical trees, the sound of the Carribean sea crashing against the shore in the background. This, ladies and gentlemen is the finish line, a beautiful notion called debrief. It’s four days to do absolutely nothing but sleep, swim, tan, and process all that happened these last two months. It’s our reward for making it through all the ups and downs of outreach. Which means (though this has yet to really sink in for me) that outreach is in fact over.

Our last few days in Gonaives remind of me the final chapters of a novel, where we were fortunate enough to wrap everything up semi-neatly and bring closure to a lot of our various ministries.

We visited the local orphanage, home to probably fifty children ranging from infants to seventeen-year-olds one final time to say our goodbyes. While I realize I have not made mention of it before, this orphanage was one of our key ministries in Gonaives. We visited it at least once a week, ministering to the kids through bible stories, games and the universal language of football J Last week, we made our final visit out there to say our goodbyes and to give the children the soccer ball we had used as our primary means of communicating with them. It was sad to have to say goodbye, but the children were amazing examples to us of joy, their smiles never wavering despite the knowledge that they might never see us again.

I said goodbye to Iselanda and Tagina, two 10-year-old girls I had gotten to know first through the youth group we ministered at once a week, but really connected with once I offered to help them with their homework in the afternoons, during my lunch break. They started coming by a few days a week and I got to put my years spent in the French education system to good use as I helped them primarily with their French grammar and their math. As we worked, they told me about their families and I told them about mine. They were both uncharacteristically hard-working for 5th-graders and seemed to have a genuine love for Jesus that made them fun to be around. I will probably miss them the most out of all the people I met during my time in Gonaives.

We walked a few blocks to the house of our dear friend Olmise, who I believe deserves at least a paragraph in this blog (possibly even her own entry at some point). We met her on one of our prayer walks through the neighborhood. We had asked God to lead us to the people He wanted us to meet and we set out with no particular agenda other than to follow the guiding of the Holy Spirit. I felt led to stop at this one house where I saw a young girl I recognized, to talk to her and see how she was doing.  As we stood there, her older sister walked up and much to our surprise, spoke fairly good English. She introduced herself to us as Olmise, 22 years old, living in Port-au-Prince, “though I’ll be moving to Boston in August to go to University”. Surprised, I asked her which University (not that my knowledge of Boston colleges is that vast…) and she matter-of-factly replied “Harvard”. As it turns out, since she was a child she has wanted to go to medical school, but not just any medical school- the best school in the world. And as she put it, “I realized that my father is the King of Kings. I am a very important person! He can get me into Harvard and He can pay for it.” So in August, she will be attending Harvard on full-tuition scholarship. Until then, she will be working personally with the newly elected President in laying the groundwork for his time in office (definitely an answer to my prayers that God would place someone who deeply loved Him in power, to lay foundations of righteousness for this new era in Haiti’s history!). She even spoke at his inauguration ceremony a few weeks ago. Meeting her was such an encouragement and a blessing to us and while we will miss her, I have a feeling our paths may cross at some point…

One of the more difficult chapters we had to close was that of the hospital. While it was an optional ministry, we all opted to visit it one last time. For me, though I wasn’t sure how, I knew I had to find some sort of closure. In the hours leading up to our visit, I began dreading the thought of having to pray for people, my faith still hurt from the last time I had tried that. When I got there, I got the chance to speak to the head nurse and ask her some questions. I found out that a total of 9 nurses work there under the supervision of 1 doctor who comes by once a day to check on things. They have very little of anything: no sterilizing equipment, no disinfectants- not even rubber gloves! Not to mention defibrillators, oxygen machines or an operating room. The more I spoke to her, the more I realized that people didn’t come here to get well- they came here to die. When that realization sunk in, I knew what I had to do. I wasn’t there to try and convince God to keep these people from dying, I was there to make them smile, to keep them company, to show them that they weren’t alone. Because I could be the last person they talk to. So that’s what I did. I stopped trying to be the holy, woman-of-faith missionary I had been trying to be and I just hung out. I played tic-tac-toe with a boy with an infected leg wound, I chatted with a lady whose mom had a hernia and was on her deathbed, I talked with an old man with a respiratory illness… Everyone I talked to just seemed happy to have someone to be with. They didn’t need me to get a word of knowledge for them or pray some beautiful faith-filled prayer. The just needed me to sit with them. Which is what Jesus would have done.

Our last day in Gonaives, we climbed the mountain overlooking the city (which I could see from my bedroom window… pictures are forth-coming as soon as the internet allows) and had a time of intercession for the city of Gonaives and the country in general. From the mountaintop, we could see the whole city from the beach, home to the second-largest port in Haiti to the Catholic church in the town square, by far the largest structure in town. As I looked out over this place I had called home the last four week, I realize for the first time just how much I would miss it.

My time here in Haiti has been one of the craziest, most stretching, amazing times of my life. While I can’t wait to be home, a part of me will always belong to Haiti. I will never forget all the things I’ve seen here or all the things I’ve learned. Thank you for going on this adventure with me.

It’s been three days since the hospital, three days for me to grieve, three days for me to think… God must have known we needed a break, because these three days have been fairly low-key, with ample free-time in between ministries, during which consequently, the internet has never worked for more than a few minutes at a time, leaving me nothing to do but read, think and journal.

I decided to write out a list of questions I needed God to answer. The way I see it, I can either be angry at God or angry with God. The nuance is a subtle one but I’ve come to learn it means the difference between bitterness and closure. Some questions came to nice conclusions, and others just led to more questions but they all led to this final question:

 Why am I involved in this? Where do I fit in? Why couldn’t she have died just before we got there of right after we left? Why did God time it so that we would be there to pray for her and then to see her die? I can only conclude that I was meant to be there, but this begs the question: why? I realized that first of all, I was there to be Jesus’ hands and feet in that moment. While I felt incredibly useless, just holding that child, patting the mother’s back and crying, I began to see that that is exactly what Jesus would have done had He been there physically. He showed me that I had loved that family the way He loved them, and in doing so, I had been a piece of Heaven on Earth in the midst of all that Hell.

But the second reason for me being there runs far deeper and has quite a few repercussions. This experience was a wake-up call for me to say the least. That girl died from something very treatable, very preventable: Anemia, a simple vitamin deficiency. Maybe I could have prevented it. There are all kinds of organizations working here to fight malnutrition (which happens to be the cause of 50% of children’s deaths here in Haiti. One in two children who die, die from malnutrition. Fun fact, huh?). Maybe if I had sent in a couple checks instead of buying a new pair of jeans, they would have been able to reach her. There are thousands of children just like her who die everyday from things that we could prevent. That I could prevent. God didn’t take her life. We did. This world produces enough food for every single human being to have 3000 calories to eat a day. Yet, a small percentage struggles with obesity and has so much surplus that much goes to waste while the rest of the world dies from things like Anemia. God was angry just like I was that day. He was angry that His little daughter died because His other creations hadn’t looked out for her.  Because we didn’t take care of her.

So then what if  the reason I had to be there was because God wants me to do something about it? Non-question. God wants me to do something about it. He wanted me to do something about it long before. Ever since Jesus came preaching heretical ideas such as “love your neighbor as yourself” and “take care of the needy and the afflicted”. I am beginning to see that He put me there because this is something He wants to commit to. This is a battle He wants me to fight, a journey He wants me to embark on.

And as this realization sunk in, the rest of the questions I had began to make sense. God is going to glorify Himself in this situation, and He wants to do it through me. God is going to redeem that girl’s death, and He wants to do it through me. Jesus said :  “unless a grain of wheat falls into the gorund and dies, it remains alone, but if it dies, it produces much grain” (John 12:24). If I go back home to suburbia and forget all about this, then that girl was just another child who died from malnutrition- just a number. But if I do something about it, if I let this story shake me and push me to make a change, then thousands of lives could be saved through her one death. That is redemption. That is bringing glory to God.

And so I find myself for the first time in my life with a purpose. This is why I am here. This is what I am supposed to do now. That girl’s story needs to be told. And when it is told, it will shock people the way it shocked me. Because she makes it personal.  She made this problem real for me and she will make it real for everyone who hears it. She made me want to do something and she will make others want to do something. So I will tell her story. I will start here, with this blog and I won’t stop until something changes. I will tell as many people as I can in hopes that together we can redeem her death and actually make a change.

Let the little children come to me...

Dead.

I prayed for her: healing, blessing, energy, life. I layed my hands on her and prayed for her the way Jesus said I should. I prayed in His name. I prayed in faith.

And now she is dead.

I held her hand, and now that hand is stiff and cold. I looked into her eyes- her beautiful, young brown  eyes and now those eyes are glazed over, staring off at something I cannot see. I prayed for her and she was alive- sick and lethargic, yes- but alive. And not one hour later, a group of women ran down the hall to get me, to tell me that she was dead.

They led me to the hospitable bed where she lay- a tiny body amply covered by a small bedsheet.  I looked at the small lump that I knew to be her body , trying to make my brain understand the cold, harsh truth. My mind was numb as I found myself peeling back the grey sheet. I knew in my head what I would find, but nothing could have prepared me for the shock it was to look upon the  body of a child that one hour ago was full of life and now was just an empty shell. Nothing could have prepared me for the wave of nausea that came over me as those brown eyes stared up at me, half-blinking, lifeless and reality finally hit me.  Dead. This little girl was dead. The last time I looked at her, she was alive. And now she is dead.

Her mother and her sister’s wails broke through the shocked silence and brought me out of my daze. I scooped up the sobbing little girl- too young to even understand why she was crying- and held her close. I put my arms around the young mother and the grief sunk in.

This mother’s child was dead. I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. I couldn’t even think. I just sat there holding the child on my knee and patting the mother’s back. A small crowd had gathered at the doorway to see what I would do. I was the missionary, God’s annointed white person- perhaps I ought to try and raise her from the dead? Hah. Please. I couldn’t even pray for her to be healed from something as simple and cureable as Anemia. I was the last person in the world who could raise someone from the dead.

I didn’t know what to do, what to say. Surely, I must do something. They were all expecting me to do something! As soon as the child died, they had run to get me. But all I could do was sit there and sob. I was supposed to be the missionary, God’s servant of great faith. But in that moment, I had no faith at all. I didn’t know what to pray. I didn’t think I could pray. But my heart cried out without words to a God I couldn’t speak to. And I heard in my soul, the words of Jesus: “Let the little children come to me, and do not forbid them, for such is the Kingdom of Heaven”.

In my last post, I wrote about how God reveals the Kingdom of Heaven to us through the beauty of nature and the witness of other spirit-filled believers, even in the darkest of circumstances, in the strangest of ways. I knew then that with whatever faith I could muster, I had to believe that this too was a revelation of the Kingdom of Heaven: Jesus bringing a little child to Himself. I had to somehow believe that he had been merciful enough to take her out of this cruel  and fallen world and was right now holding her on His lap, showing her true love and joy for the first time.

I had prayed for her to be filled with life and energy and now she is. Now she has life in abundance, a life where she will never again feel the pang of hunger, where she will never know sorrow or guilt or loneliness. True life being lived the way God planned it to be lived.

Despite the peace that comes from this, there is no denying that my faith has been rocked. I don’t understand how this 2 year-old girl’s death is glorifying God, how this girl’s death is bringing those around her a deeper revelation  of God’s love, how this girl’s death is bringing heaven on Earth. I don’t understand why, if I have all the authority that Jesus had, she died instead of being healed. Jesus said that I can ask anything in His name and it will be mine. How can that possibly prove to be true in light of what happened today? I don’t understand how God was more glorified through her death than He would have been through her healing. He could have healed her, He could have spared her family so much grief, He could have spared me all this doubt and anguish. But He didn’t. I’m not certain where to go from here. How can I be expected to pray for another sick person in faith believing that they will be well? I prayed for this little girl. And now she is dead.

I am doubting. How can I not doubt? I refuse to sweep this under the rug, and polish it over with the pretty excuse that God’s ways are higher than ours. My heart it a little bit broken, I am still wiping tears from my eyes.  I deserve to question, I deserve to wrestle with this. And I know that ultimately, it is good for me to doubt. Because, ironically enough, this is the only way my faith can grow. 

A glimpse of Heaven

Jesus spoke of a kingdom where everything functions exactly as God planned, where God’s will is done, where we can have perfect communion with God. He called it the kingdom of Heaven, and he said that it was right here, right now. His disciples never seemed to get what He meant by that, and while we know it to be true, it is a concept that we have failed to grasp as a church. In Matthew 13, He says that "To you it has been given to know the secrets and mysteries of the kingdom of heaven". What Jesus was trying to make us understand is that Heaven is not just something we can look forward to, as followers of Christ, after we die; it is something we can dwell in right now, right here. No matter where we are in the world.

I’ve thought about this notion before but never really got my head around it until a few days ago. Our team went to visit a Voodoo compound to pray over it and to minister to the people living nearby. We were told it was a very dark place and to be prepared for spiritual attacks and the like. So while I wasn’t afraid, I was expecting to return tired and worn thin from an afternoon under the spirit of oppression.

On our way to the compound, we pulled over so that Pastor Mola (the base director here in Gonaives, our guide and translator) could point out a few trees along the road that are believed to be the home of powerful spirits and are often used in Voodoo rituals. He explained that the locals greatly revere these trees and to damage one would bring the wrath of the evil spirits on your family. But as I looked at those trees, hundreds of years old, with broad trunks extending high into the heavens, covered in leaves green with life, all I could see was the majesty of God. And I had an overwhelming sense that God wanted us to know that though these trees may be used for wicked things, they are still His creation. He made these trees for us to enjoy, and to declare His glory. In that moment, staring at an object of witchcraft, I felt God’s presence.

We drove on, and as we approached the compound, a man began to follow our truck, limping. I didn’t know why but as I looked at him, I had a feeling that he was someone of great faith, and watching him trudge along behind us made me smile. I knew we had to talk to him.

We parked in front of the compound (from the outside, nothing more than a cluster of houses surrounded by a wall) and the man stood near us, but didn’t approach us. We said hi and introduced ourselves. He told us his name was Jean-Claude. He was tall and lanky, his clothes swallowed his thin frame. His right hand was crippled, the fingers swollen and twisted. We asked him if he wanted us to pray for him. He replied yes, to pray for God’s anointing on him to heal other people.

I was quite taken aback by this request. He had not asked for healing for his own deformities but the ability to heal others! The more time we spent with him, the more I felt the Spirit pouring from him. His faith and joy were so contagious, I was overwhelmed by them! Our team prayed a blessing and anointing over him, per his request, that he would be a light in a dark place and that the would bring Christ’s healing power with him everywhere. He then turned around and prayed for us, anointing us, and began grabbing the attention of passers-by, inviting them to hear us witness and receive prayer from us.

As we left that place that was supposed to be so dark, I felt more refreshed than when we arrived! This man was so spirit-filled, it was almost like being in God’s presence. Strike that- we were in God’s presence. In a Voodoo compound.

Our truck came to a stop on the side of the road. I looked up at the clouds, swirls of pink and grey against a blue sky, the sun beginning to dip behind the mountains, and I could no longer contain myself. I lifted my face to heaven and my soul began to sing. I was enjoying perfect communion with God, so full of Him and aware of Him I thought I might burst. I was in Heaven. Literally.

In that moment, nothing was fallen or broken, nothing was separating me from God. It was a moment that can only best be described as holy, a moment where I knew that this was how God created life to be. It was Heaven. On Earth. In Haiti, a country cursed for 200 years. Outside a Voodoo compound, on the side of a dusty dirt road.

And it hit me like a gust of wind to the face that the kingdom of heaven has been here all along. It’s everywhere. It isn’t just in Cathedrals or on pristine beaches or in between the pages of a book. It’s on dirt roads in fourth-world countries in villages devoted to witchcraft.

In that moment, I caught a glimpse of Heaven, and I realized that nothing in the landscape had shifted, but somehow, my eyes had been opened- if for but a second- and I was able to see things as God had created them to be. As a missionary, my job is not to bring the kingdom to the places I go. My job is to see God’s kingdom and to help others see it. He has been here all along. That’s the good news. And because of Jesus, Heaven is something I can dwell in right now, and anywhere.

"But blessed are your eyes because they do see and your ears because they do hear" (Matt 13: 11)

An update :)

I realize that my last few posts have been more on the pensive, reflective side so I decided I ought to do a good, old fashioned, informative update today.

Port-au-Prince: Tent cities, orphanages and construction.

It is easy to see how the capital could have once been a prosperous city, but now, even a year after the earthquake, it is defined by piles of rubble and tents. Hundreds of thousands of people were killed during the earthquake and even more were left completely homeless, their simple houses reduced to a pile of rubble. The only solution found by the Haitian government and aid organizations was to bring in tents to house these families until proper homes could be rebuilt for them. This was only ever meant to be a temporary solution but now these tents have become a permanent part of the landscape. Parks, plazas and soccer fields have become the permanent residence of a huge chunk of the city’s population. These tent cities have some of the worst living conditions imaginable: families crammed into a tent (usually nothing more than a tarp tied over some wooden poles), sleeping on the ground, with no running water or electricity, and certainly no bathrooms. Disease is rampant, the children’s bellies swollen with parasites, and starvation is real. Our team visited several different tent cities throughout our time in Port-au-Prince, doing dome evangelism, but mostly spending time with the kids there. These children have it the worst: most are either neglected or abused by their parents, many don’t have clothes or shoes and all of them are hungry and thirsty. But their eyes light up when they see us coming. We usually spent a few hours in the tent cities per week, performing skits, telling Bible stories or just playing with them or holding them. Their parents look on as we offer these children unconditional love and attempt to give them the only thing that truly lasts in this world: Jesus’s love.

We also took part in a few construction projects with the YWAM base that was hosting us. They purchased a large plot of land an hour outside the city and have the goal of building a hundred houses out there. So we spent a few days digging foundations, mixing cement and laying the groundwork for two duplexes. I had never done much physical labor before so this was definitely challenging for me, but so rewarding! We also helped build several bunkbeds for the base as they will be hosting up to 50 students in June for the first ever discipleship training school in Port-au-Prince. As a result, I have pretty much perfected the art of using the circular sander (I’m not sure if that’s what it’s called… But it’s circular and it sands so...). I loved learning to work with wood- now Jesus and I have one more thing in common :)

Every week during our time in Port-au-Prince, we visited the Canaan Orphanage. Though, I’m not sure “orphanage” is even an accurate term to describe it, seeing as how it brings to mind images of a simple building with rows of bunkbeds where children patiently wait to be adopted. Canaan Orphanage is nothing more than a plot of land, slightly smaller than a soccer field, surrounded by a few strands of barbed wire tied to some wooden posts, with a handful of makeshift tents on dispersed throughout it. At best, it looks like a mediocre campsite, but it is in fact home to over 30 orphans. Many them had parents die during the earthquake. It is run by one of the most amazing, spirit-filled women I have ever met, a middle-aged Haitian woman named Odelaine. She has no way to provide for these children; they trust God every day for food to eat, but what is truly amazing is that God has always been faithful! Every time we would visit these kids, they had grown and gained weight. One time, they even had new clothes! God taught me so much through these kids, but more than anything, He showed me that He truly does stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves, and He takes care of the orphans and widows. Our times at Canaan were some of the best times of this outreach for me.

On Thursday, April 28th, we left Port-au-Prince and took a bus a few hours up the coast to the smaller town of Gonaives where we will be for the remainder of our time in Haiti. We are staying at a YWAM base here and will be working with the base director, Pastor Mola in his ministry. We will be doing street evangelism, and we will be visiting orphanages, schools, hospitals and various villages nearby.

Thank you Jesus: For healing my teammates who were under the weather and for keeping us all in good health since; for the amazing hospitality we've received at both bases so far (surprisingly delicious food, comfortable beds, mosquito netting!);  for safe travels around the country!
Please Pray: For God’s continued hand of guidance over our team, that the Spirit would lead us to the people that God has prepared for us to minister to; for good sleep (there is a lot of noise at night here and a church service down the street at 4 in the morning that makes it sleep tough!); for continued good health and bonding in our team.

Thanks for sticking with me and my team on this adventure!

Where's God in disaster?

OK, so just a quick disclaimer: I've been reading quite a bit of Rob Bell and Donald Miller's works lately, which has many side effects, one of which is extensive thinking. The following blog is most likely the result of this dangerous pasttime.

As I look around this city, it is impossible to forget the earthquake that ravaged it one year ago. There is still rubble everywhere and thousands of tents litter the city. When I hear people recount to me the tragedy that struck on January 12th 2010, I can see the sadness in their eyes. Not a single person in this country was left unaffected by this disaster. In 45 seconds, an entire nation was turned upside down. It is impossible for me to look around at the mass graves, to hold an orphaned child in my arms and to walk through the tent cities and not ask my God the question: Where are you in all this? And where are you now?

One common explanation for the earthquake is that God was shaking the foundations of this country. People frequently tell the story of how a slave, 200 years ago, drank blood and committed the country of Haiti to the devil for 2 centuries in exchange for their freedom from the French. The curse on this land is evident: the once fertile soil is now dry and barren, poverty and famine are everywhere. Many believe that after the curse ended in 2004, God wanted to start over in Haiti, tear it all down and rebuild it. Every important government building- all built on the foundation of Voodoo rituals- has now been reduced to a pile of rubble.

Now this theory sounds nice until you drive past a mass grave where 80,000 people lie dead, or until you hear a four-year-old state matter-of-factly: my mom and dad are dead now. The God I serve is a God whose heart breaks for orphans and who despises death and destruction. The God I serve is a God who gives “life in abundance” and longs to bring joy and love to His children. How then could the same God sing the death warrant of hundreds of thousands of people and leave the rest to suffer through loneliness, disease and starvation?

No. I cannot accept that God divised this disaster, orchestrated the whole thing for some higher purpose. And while I acknowledge that God’s ways are higher than our ways, I don’t want to use it as a cop-out, and simply accept that this is beyond my understanding. I believe that the opposite of faith is not doubt- in fact, doubt is crucial to the growth of faith. In Eph 1:17, Paul prays that “The God of our Lord Jesus, the Father of glory may give to you a spirit of wisdom and understanding in the knowledge of Him" and in James 1:5 he says that if anyone lacks wisdom he should ask God for it because He gives it generously and without reproach. So I am not afraid to continue questioning. But rather than theorizing and wondering about the mysteries of God as though He were some far-off, mythological entity, I exercise my privilege of an intimate relationship with God through Jesus and ask Him directly.

And Jesus responds by bringing to mind the story of Lazarus in John 11. Now, in this story, when Jesus first found out that Lazarus was ill, He was probably aware that he would die if He didn’t leave immediately to go help him. He knew Lazarus was going to die but He didn’t prevent it. He knew Lazarus was going to die, but when He got there and found His dear friend actually dead, He was heartbroken. He wept. He grieved. He joined Mary and Martha in mourning. His pain was every bit as acute as theirs because Lazarus was His friend too, “the one He loved” (v.3) But He didn’t stop there. He took the situation to His Father and asked Him to redeem it. And it was in the midst of this disaster that Jesus performed on the greatest miracles of His ministry.

Jesus did not cause Lazarus to become sick and die- some disease or accident that is simply the result of living in a fallen world did that. In the same way, I do not believe that God caused the earthquake in Haiti. Our whole planet got messed up during the Fall. Earthquakes happen. (I suppose it is also a definite possibility that the evil one could have had some part to play in it as well- after all, Jesus did call him the Prince of the Earth.)

Jesus knew Lazarus would die. He definitely could have prevented it, being God, but He didn’t “for the glory of God that the Son of God might be glorified through it” (v.4). Jesus also knew the Earthquake would hit Haiti on January 12th, 2010, turning an entire nation upside down. He could have prevented it but He didn’t. He did not cause this disaster but He allowed it to happen. Slight difference in wording, huge difference in implications.

In the case of Lazarus’ death, Jesus’ heart broke. On the day of the earthquake, His heart broke again. He wept. He grieved. He joined with the nation of Haiti in mourning. He said to Himself in both situations, “This is not how I created this world to be”.

But He didn’t stop there. He didn’t panic or freak out or go “Ah! Now what?!”. No, he rolled up His sleeves and from the ashes of disaster, He began to bring life. He looked at the fallen world, at the beautiful mess we’ve made for ourselves and He got to work. Because God is in the business of redeeming. He loves to take our mistakes and turn them into something beautiful. He did it with Lazarus. He is doing it in Haiti. And He is doing it in our lives every day.

So where is God in disaster? He’s right there with us, feeling our loss, our confusion, our pain just as intensely as we are. But even as He wipes the tears from His eyes, He is working in situation- no matter how convoluted- to make it into something even better than it was before, to bring His kingdom of Heaven here in the place of Hell and to give glory to His name forever and ever. Amen ☺

Emily...

She had chocolate skin and short brown hair tied in tiny, matted braids, beginning to turn orange at the roots (a sign I later learned, of malnutrition). She looked up at me with lifeless, watery eyes from the arms of her sister. Her arms hung limp at her sides and her head rested lethargically on her shoulder.

-Tiens, her sister said to me. Take her.

I lifted the baby girl from the outsretch arms of her caretaker, no more than three years old herself. At first, she seemed to object to these foreign hands- their unusal coloring and funny smell undoubtedly unnerved her- and she let out a faint whimper, tightening up her face into a half grimace. But after a moment, she layed her head resignedly on my chest, too weak to protest. I had one hand on her head, covered in blisters and sores, unskillfully hidden by her thin cornnrows, and the other on her bare bottom from which dangled two thin legs.

-How old is she ? I asked her sister in Creole.
-Un an, came the reply. One year old.

At first, I wondered if I had understood her correctly. The child in my arms could hardly have passed for six months, much less twelve, weighing barely fifteen pounds by the feel of it. I wondered when the last time was she’d had anything to eat, if she could even grasp the concept of a full stomach. I could feel the congestion in her young lungs as she painstakingly drew breath after breath. I didn’t even want to contemplate what kind of sicknesses she was probably battling, what parasites were gnawing away at her insides.

-Comment li rele?, I asked. What is her name ?
-Emily, they told me fondly.

Emily. My name. Suddenly, this rag doll resting on my bosom was no longer simply another impoverished child living in a tent in the slums of one oft he world’s poorest countries. Suddenlz, we were connected. She had a name. My name.

My mind went back to seventeen years ago, my imagination painting a scene not so different from this one: another little girl, one year old, resting her head on a young white woman’s shoulder, her name also Emily. The only difference was that this Emily had just eaten a full meal, her pudgy arms and legs making her tiring to hold, a peaceful smile resting on her round, white face. This Emily would grow up never one going to bed hungry, never knowing what it is to walk barefoot over gravel roads or to sleep on a dirt floor in a tent. She woul leanr to read and the names of planets and how to drive a car. She would travel the world and own sixteen pairs of jeans just because she could. She would never have to drink muddy water from a hole in the ground to quench a burning thirst that she would never know.

In that moment, my mind fought to comprehend how two humans, both made of twent-six chromosomes, with ten fingers and two lips and the same name, born into the same world could have such vastly different experiences of it. How is it decided which Emilzy will go to Italy for vacation and which Emily will be born in a tent? Why should one eat cheesecake simply because it tastes good while the other tries to ignore her growling stomach in an attempt to find slumber?

I couldn’t find an answer to satisfy my restless heart other than maybe (at the risk of sounding cliche) it’s a bit like the wind. I mean, have you ever thought to ask why there are some areas of the world that have high barometric pressure and others that have low? I don’t think anyone can explain the why but everyone loves the result: a cool breeze. So maybe the reason why some have so much while others have nothing is so that the one can give to the other and something good can come out of it.

I don’t know. Maybe that’s a stretch. But it gives me some measure of peace so I’ll hold onto it.

The adventure continues in Haiti!

I’m not sure quite what I was expecting from Haiti but I definitely was not expecting to feel instantly at home here. However, everything from the smell of burning trash to the flat roofs and tile floors of the villa where we will be staying this month to cows grazing on the side of the roads makes me feel like I’m back in Morocco and puts me right at ease.

We were blessed with amazingly smooth travels to Haiti- we made our connecting flight in JFK without a problem, all our bags made it and we found our contact at the airport in Port-au-Prince easily. We loaded up into the back of a truck and began the long, dusty trip to the YWAM base- a big villa in a quiet neighborhood, about 30 minutes from the heart of the city. The YWAM base here is divided up into 2 houses: the Mayagate house where the base director and most of the staff live, and the Bellville house- our house- home to 4 American and 3 Haitian staff.

Our daily schedule is full but fun! We get up with the sun at 5:30 AM to have a quiet time followed by breakfast at 6:30.  At 7:15, we have worship and at 8:15 we clean the house. From 9 to 12:30, we do ministry. So far, we’ve taken a prayer tour of the city, played with kids in the tent city down the road, and dug foundations for a house. Today we’ll be visiting an orphanage. During the afternoons, we either have more ministry or we have the afternoon off.

We don’t have city electricity most of the time, so during the day, we just don’t use it! Surprisingly, I have found it is perfectly possible to live quite comfortably without electricity. We make coffee by pouring hot water over grounds, we take showers using a bucket and cup and the Haitian sun provides all the light we need. At night, we run a generator, giving us access to internet, so I’ll be on Skype and Facebook most night for a short time, if any of you want to chat with me!

Well, I’ve been on this computer for far too long now so I’ll sign off. Please keep praying for good health and protection for our team! Dorothea is currently wrestling with “Haitian happiness” (aka Diarhea), so please keep her in your prayers.

Love you all! 

Meet team Haiti!

When the Outreach teams were first announced, Team Haiti consisted of our two leaders, Bob and Dorothea, myself and two other girls. When I realized how small this team was, I really questioned God about whether it should even happen! After all, what kind of impact could three girls have on Haiti? But God spoke clearly: "Go to Haiti and trust me with your outreach". So I did (if somewhat reluctantly). However, all five current members of the team felt that God would bring more people to our team. So we began praying into that. And while He didn't answer our prayers in the way we imagined He would, ten people will now be boarding the plane on Tuesday, March 29th, glory to God!

Our Leaders:

Bob DeGroot, age 21 from Holland. He has been with YWAM for almost two years now, having completed his DTS in the spring of 2009. He shares my love for the beach and surfing so I knew from day one we would get along great. As if that didn't make him cool enough, he also has an amazing heart for God's kingdom and a special soft spot for kids.

Dorothea, age 23 from Switzerland. She did her DTS with Bob in 2009, so this is not the first time they've worked together in this context. They're both servant leaders and have given us as students a big say in what happens on the team. Dorothea is a firm believer in positive attitudes and has a huge love for fun. Her laughter and encouragement really bring life to the team.

The Original Three:

Stefanie Sliger, age 18 from Texas. She graduated highschool last spring and, like me, felt called to put college on hold for a time to go deeper into God. She has an amazing leadership and pastor/teacher annointing. When she speaks, people listen and where she goes, people follow. She also brings lots of energy to the team and is a pretty solid defender in soccer :)

Rachael Loh, age 27 from Malaysia. She might seem quiet and unassuming from the outside, but when she speaks, I have learned to listen. She is so filled with the Holy Spirit and it shows through her gentleness, her words of encouragement and her humility. She has an annointing for emotional healing that I know will come in handy not only in ministering to the people of Haiti but in our team as well.
Me, age 18 from Morocco/Minnesota. While this is not necessarily something I would have imagined for myself, last week David Gava prophecied a deliverance annointing over me both in the physical and the spiritual realm. In hindsight, this actually makes a lot of sense, because since I've been at DTS, God has used me to help break strongholds in the lives of several of my friends.  I look forward to the way God will develop that in me in Haiti!

January Additions:

Summer Zhu, age 18 from Australia. She had originally joined the India team but felt like God was calling her to switch after about a week. She is always laughing and making others laugh- definitely filled with the joy of the Lord! She also has amazing musical ability and a real worship annointing. She will not only be able to bring people into worship but she will also be able to bring healing and deliverance to people through her worship!

Ryan Vermooten, age 24 from South Africa. He was a last minute addition to our DTS, and arrived halfway through the second week of the school! But that was clearly an act of God as he has been a huge encouragement to me and a great asset to our team. As a vegetarian, he is the only member of our team who is genuinely excited by the beans-and-rice diet we'll be enjoying while in Haiti. He has amazing photography and videography skills, having done several YWAM schools in these fields, and has an annointing of creativity on him!
Ex-Team Turkey: About three weeks ago, the Turkey team was cancelled because their leaders were now needed to lead the Ghana team (it's complicated). As a result, the ex-Turkey team members were divided amongst the three remaining teams and we got two more members to our team!

Holly Leeming, age 20 from the UK. I was particularly excited by this addition because Holly, in addition to being pretty amazing, is my roommate! This means she probably knows me better than anyone else in the school, and has already learned to put up with my sleep-talking :) She has a powerful testimony and I have been able to personally witness the Lord's healing in her life, which has given her an annointing to now heal others!

Rachel Brighton, age 20 from Pennsylvania. She was a Junior in college without a major, who decided to take some time off to seek God's will for her life. Since being here, she has  found new life in the Holy Spirit. She has a "sledge-hammer" annointing, to break down walls and breathe the Holy Spirit into the lives of everyone she encounters.

Our latest addition: (as of yesterday, March 23rd)

Jesse Blair, age 25 from Washington. Needless to say, our whole team was excited to have another man! He is naturally protective and is sure to take good care of us ladies, but his goofy nature will keep us all laughing. Not to mention he balances out the guy-girl ratio a little :) He also has a lot of experience with construction which we'll be doing a lot of!


And that is team Haiti!

Week 10: Partnering with the Holy Spirit in Powerful Evangelism!

This last week was absolutely amazing as our speaker, David Gava, did far more than just teach- he worked with the Holy Spirit to effectively equip us for outreach, no longer a far-off eventuality but an immediate actuality!

He spoke on evangelism and emphasized the importance of really coming into the knowledge of what we have been given in Christ, because "if you know what you've been given, you can go out and give it! But if you don't know what you've been given, you can't go out and give it because you don't know what you have" :) He also challenged us to think about what it would be like if we began to work with the Holy Spirit in evangelism. Jesus only ever went where He saw His Father working and even then, worked not out of His own power but out of God's power in Him! We actually have the potential to do all the things Jesus did and more if we stop trying to do things for God's kingdom out of our own limited knowledge and ability but rather partner with the Holy Spirit! The age of signs and miracles is not over - David and other speakers before him have countless testimonies to make this quite clear. Rather, God's infinite imagination is working greater miracles all around the world today than ever before: people are being raised from the dead, money is falling out of loaves of bread, there are countless healings and countless deliverances...  And I believe that if I am in constant submission to and communion with the Father through the Holy Spirit, He will do unthinkable works through me! He will lead me to where He is already working and thoroughly equip me to work alongside Him and in Him. He will give me words of knowledge for people I have never met and will heal the sick that are brought before me. I will cast out demons in His name and reap the plentiful harvest that is waiting! As David said, "God is not looking for ability, He is looking for availability". I don't know what ability I have but I do know this: I have never been more available!

So stay tuned as, like Jesus, I go where the Father leads and partner with Him in the amazing things He is doing in Haiti and beyond. :)

The last few weeks

First off, I'd like to apologize for how long it's been since I last posted something here. These last few weeks have been pretty crazy busy (and I must admit, I've just been a bit lazy in regards to this blog). As the countdown until outreach begins to truly wind down, I find my free time being all but cut out of my life as I go from lectures to work duties to outreach team meetings to the video editing studio...

Despite being busy, these last few weeks have been full of great teaching and fun times. Two weeks ago, our topic was spiritual warfare and our speaker, Jills Bills really opened my eyes how finite our enemy is! He is a created being in no way equal to our God: he is not omnipotent, omnipresent, or all-knowing. His power is limited and his authority is actually smaller than ours! This really made me feel empowered to actually make a difference in the spiritual realm. This topic flowed into this last week as we learned about worship in warfare. We learned about how great an effect our worship can actually have on the place we are in! For this reason, it is so important that we be intentional in our worship, fixing our eyes on God and making Him the subject of our full adoration and attention. I also benefited from some extra time just spent in worship. As I turned my focus from my hectic schedule, tight finances and homesickness to God, He was so faithful to comfort me and restore joy to me.

A few weekends ago, a few of us drove 2 and a half hours east to the Riverside County Fair in Indio, where I introduced my international friends to the wonders of fair food, demolition derbies and unlimitted ride wristbands. Our amazing day of funnel cakes and ferris wheels ended with (can you believe it?) a SWITCHFOOT concert! We got there two hours before the show started and braved the cold to win amazing spots right up at the front. Not only did this allow me a pretty spectacular view of Switchfoot's top-notch performance but it also meant that I made contact with Jon Foreman's hand on not one, but two occasions! I guess that makes us basically best friends now (though we were already pretty tight before, after all, do follow him on Twitter!)

On a slightly different note, things for our Haiti outreach are really starting to come together. A major door opened for us to stay in Port-au-Prince, working with Homes of Hope, serving at the YWAM base and doing urban evangelism for the first four weeks. The second half will be spent in Gonaives doing ministry around the base there as well and working primarily amongst the Haitian churches. We'll be focusing on connecting the various churches to each other and to YWAM, as well as just serving where we're needed. The opportunities of course, are endless. As a team, we are committed to continually listening to the Holy Spirit and being sensitive to whatever work He would have us do!

Please continue to pray for our finances, as we are all still short. If you feel led to help support me individually or my team as a whole, please send any checks to:

YWAM LA 

11141 Osborne St.

Lake View Terrace 

CA 91342

Thank you so much for going on this adventure with me! As always, I will keep you posted! 

Lessons in God's Provision :)

In DTS, it is not at all uncommon to have worship at least one night a week, however last night, our worship looked a little bit different. We were told to spend the afternoon asking God if there was anything He wanted us to give away and then bring it with us that evening so as to spend the evening worshiping God by giving! 

As I prayed, God brought a few of my fellow classmates to mind who hadn't yet raised all their support for being here so I brought a few financial gifts for them, but He also brought my guitar to mind- and THAT I was not quite as ready to give up. So I pushed the thought aside and headed off to worship night with my checks in hand and my guitar safely in my room. 

When I got there, the leader opened by saying: "If any of you forgot anything in your room, feel free to go get it at any point during the night". Needless to say, that got me squirming! I was becoming increasingly convinced that God wanted me to give up my precious guitar and was in the middle of deciding whether or not to be obedient when my friend, Jesse called me into the middle of the circle to receive a gift from him. I had no idea what to expect but was completely blown away when he left the room and returned with his beautiful, hand-crafted guitar in hand. I knew firsthand what an incredible sacrifice it was and all I could do was stand there speechless :) As soon as the joy of receiving such a priceless gift subsided, I was incredibly humbled as I realized that the guitar which God had told me to give away was still sitting in my room. How could I have not believed that God wouldn't have some sort of plan for me? He knew how much I love guitar and music and He already had a replacement picked out for me- He just wanted me to be obedient.

Bashfully, I ran up to my room and got my guitar, then confessed to the group how God had told me to give my guitar away, I had dutifully ignored Him, He had blessed me with an even nicer guitar nonetheless and I was now finally being obedient. Better late than never right? 

Throughout the rest of the night, I watched as people sacrificed things of great monetary and sentimental value and God faithfully blessed them with even greater gifts in return. In addition to my guitar, I received two pairs of nice shoes, a bracelet and a skirt. This night will hopefully remain engrained in my memory for awhile as a reminder of God's amazing provision. He is so faithful to take what little we have to give, multiply it, and give it right back to you, blessing all kinds of people along the way. If He calls you to give, you can trust that it is absolutely the best thing you could be doing with your possessions :)  

Turns out, His timing was perfect as usual for teaching me this lesson, as I found out today the cost for my outreach to Haiti. Because our team is so small, the cost is significantly more than I expected (considering it is being divided amongst a smaller group of people, and we can't get group rates as a general rule with a team of 7). The total cost will be $3500. At the moment, I have about $2500. So now, I get to experience God's provision as He brings in the remaining $1000 between now and the time I leave in a month :) 

Please pray and ask  God if He might be calling you to be a part of this provision. If so, please make any checks out to YWAM and mail them to 11141 Osborne St. Lake View Terrace CA 91342 with a note attached indicating that they are for me. 

Either way, stay tuned for the continuation of the amazing story of how God in His infinite imagination, meets all my needs :) 

Weeks 5 and 6: Biblical worldview and Justice week

The last two weeks really went hand in hand. During the first, Colleen challenged us to tackle the major questions that shape our Worldview (such as "What is real?", "Can we know?", "What is the purpose for living?") from a Biblical perspective.

This led in to Justice week led by Christel. On Monday, we took part in different stations and skits that helped us experience some of the injustices in the world today, including; sex trafficking, child soldiers, the persecution of christians, the poor working conditions for children in sweat shops, and the lack of access to clean drinking water.

These guys, role-played terrorists, kidnapped us, threw us in the back of a van,  blindfolded and turned us into child soldiers. Some of us were forced to "kill" our fellow children. It was very real and quite frightening. To think of children as young as 3 or 4 years old having to go through this was heart-breaking.

Throughout the rest of the week, we learned about God's heart for justice, as well as some practical ways we can be getting involved. There are several organizations working hard at the various aspects of injustice all throughout the world, such as: 

*Not For Sale: http://www.notforsalecampaign.org/

*Project AK-47: https://projectak47.com/index.aspx (This one was started by a guy from the church I've been attending. He had some amazing stories about how God is working! He truly does stand up for the widows and orphans!)

On Friday, we went into Hollywood and did some flash-mob type things (everyone froze in a dramatic pose for 5 minutes on the walk of fame) to draw attention and raise awareness about the issue of sex-trafficking. As people stopped and asked questions, they were handed flyers with statistics and website URLs for more information on the subject and what can be done about it. As a member of the Media Track, I was able to film the people posing, the bystanders reactions as well as some interviews with people during and after the event. We will be working on putting together a video about this "Freeze Project". Stay tuned! :) 

Fun times :)

Went to see the Tonight Show with Jay Leno :) We got box seats and I  came away with some free awesome fuzzy socks as memerobilia. To see what I was seeing live last Wednsday, go to: 

http://www.nbc.com/the-tonight-show/video/wednesday-february-16-2011/1295633/. If you look closely, when Jay comes out at the very beginning, you can see me standing up in the very middle, wearing a black and white scarf :) But you'll have to look reaaally closely...

As a part of the Media track, I've gotten the opportunity to capture several pretty amazing moments, one of which took place last Friday on Hollywood boulevard. The students in my DTS did some flash mob type stuff to raise awareness about the issue of human trafficking. We turned lots of heads and were able to spread the news about this growing problem. 

A fun hike... If it weren't for the smog, you wouldn't even know this is LA!

Australia Day!!

LA by night :) 

A trip to Anaheim- we didn't even have to go in to Disneyland to enjoy ourselves :) We walked around Downtown Disney and soaked up the magic while watching the fireworks, listening to free live music, and eating yummy food.... 

Week Four: Identity/ the Father Heart of God

It doesn't take a clairevoyant to predict that this weeks' topics of Identity and the Father Heart of God might be tear-jerkers. And suffice it to say, our two amazing speakers, Dan Sneed and Dave G., weren't bashful about bringing on the tears.

Our first speaker, Dan, spoke on Identity and Self-image. He explained that identity is who we in fact are; the way God sees us; reality. Self-image on the other hand, is the way we perceive ourselves and can be a completely different thing indeed from who we truly are. He spoke on how, through Christ, we have a new identity: God now sees us as His adopted children, holy and blameless, covered in the blood of Jesus. To put it shockingly, we are the same in His eyes as His Son! Unfortunately, our self-image just can't grasp that because everything we see, everything we hear, everything that God tells us passes through a filter that we ourselves have created, a filter built on one or two foundational lies. These lies are usually set in place as young children and are buried so deep that we are no way aware of them! They can only be revealed by the work of the Holy Spirit and  even then, take years of healing to bleed out. At Dan's urging, I prayed that the Holy Spirit would reveal any foundational lies that I have been believing, and over the course of the last week, He has done exactly that.

Our second speaker, Dave, took over on Thursday and spoke on the Father Heart of God. He explained that  because of these foundational lies that form a base for a skewed filter through which we view the world, we have developed a wrong perception of God the Father. As a result, we can't relate to God the Father in the way we wants us to- as his trusting little children. So on Friday, Dave took us through a tearful, re-parenting process as the Holy Spirit moved around the room, revealing to each person the things that were keeping us from crawling into Papa God's lap and delighting in Him. I wish I could say that my foundational lie has no stronghold in my life anymore, that I am completely healed and in perfect harmony with my heavenly Father, but that just wouldn't be true. I am however, allowing the beautiful, painful, healing process to begin. I am convinced that God has some amazing things in store for me over the course of the rest of this school and outreach! I am excited to continue this adventure deeper into Him :)

Week Three: God's Character and Nature

Our speaker Paul Hawkins' promise was that by the end of this week, our brains would be completely exhausted from thinking so much. And he pulled through pretty well, I'd say! His teachings kept me thinking and rethinking, as he taught on God's Character and Nature. Be careful before checking out what this guy has to say though  because, as he so aptly put it, "when you walk in the conscious reality of who God is, it will change the way you live".

This week, I have discovered that while God's Character and Nature and often used in the same context, they are not the same thing. God's Nature are his intrinsic qualities that He possesses simply because He is God, and therefore are qualities that none possess besides Him: infinite, omnipotent, omnipresent etc. His Character are the qualities that He chooses to possess, and that He wants us to possess as well such as His love, His righteousness, His justice, His faithfulness etc... The thing about God's character is that we can't accept one of its many facets but not the others. We either believe it all to be true or we don't.

And if we accept it all to be true, it changes the way we live. If we truly believe that God loves us with an agape love, a love that always chooses the best for its object, then is there any reason for us not to want His will for our lives? If we truly believe that God is faithful, which we logically should, considering, He has never once broken a promise or failed, then is there any reason for us not to believe that He will continue to fulfill His promises? If we truly believe that God is good, not by necessity but rather by choice, then is there any reason for us not to trust Him implicitly?

"When we walk in the conscious reality of who God is, it will change the way you live". No joke!

Why you should send me a letter and/or package

You may be one of those people who thinks that thanks to the miracle of the internet and Facebook, hand-written letters are obsolete, and stamps are only good for collecting. You may be right, but this doesn't change the fact that I absolutely LOVE getting mail!
If you have ever thought to yourself hmm... I wonder how I can bless Emily and let her know I've been thinking of her, search no more! The secret to making me happy lies in an envelope :) Nothing brings a smile to my face like opening my mail box and finding a beautiful rectangular piece of paper with my name on it. In case you are not convinced, I have compiled a list of reasons why you most certainly should send me a letter/postcard/package:
1. It will let me know you care about me.
2. I will most likely write you back and then you too can experience the joy of receiving mail!
3. It supports the US Postal Service!
4. You get to lick a stamp... No feeling like the feeling of licking a stamp...
5. You can give me things no matter where you are in the world! You can't give people things over Facebook. Fact.
6. Hand writing a letter, stuffing the envelope, licking the stamp and walking to the mail-box burns calories! You can show me you love me AND work off those pounds from the holiday season...
7. Paul wrote letters. And Paul was an immitator of Christ. So Christ probably wrote letters. And we should be like Jesus. Soo... yeah, that's a bit of a stretch. But Jesus would want you to write me a letter.

So what are you waiting for? Go send me some mail :)

Emily Crane c/o Youth With A Mission Winter DTS
11141 Osborne Street
Lake View Terrace, CA
91342

Twenty-two things about Week Two

1. Joseph Avakian, our speaker for the week, is an Armenian born in Lebanon who fled to Cyprus during the civil war and lived in Germany for quite a while who speaks 7 languages- so yes, he is kind of my hero. :)
2. He spoke on hearing God's voice, by sharing from his own experience how God has spoken to him throughout his life. A few points that stood out to me:
            3 - God doesn't just want to be involved in the "big decisions" of your life (such as, "God, should I move to Timbuktu?"), He wants to be involved in every part of your life! (So yes, ask Him, "God, how long should I cook this salmon?). If you remain open to Him and His spirit all throughout the day, He will continually reveal Himself to you in all sorts of ways.
          4 - The spiritual world and the physical world are not separate! Humans have become so in-tune with the physical that we have lost our awareness of the spiritual. But God uses both to speak to us so we need to be "listening" to both.
        5- We often put ourselves in "boxes" that keep us from hearing from God. Following this metaphor, just as boxes have six sides, there are six strongholds that get in the way: fear, comparison, criticism, egoism, arrogance, control. To counter these, we can take hold of: love, identity, exhortation, generosity, humility and freedom. :) I am working on breaking out of my box!

6- On Friday afternoon, I went with some of my new friends to Santa Monica where we walked around the Pier, rode the ferris wheel and ate dinner on the 3rd Ave Promenade to celebrate my roommate, Holly's 20th birthday!
7- Saturday, we went for a lovely (yet surprisingly strenuous) hike in La Tuna Canyon. The weather was lovely and I do believe I have the beginnings of a fantastic tan :)
8- I have decided where I will be going for Outreach! *drum roll* As I prayed about it and spoke with my   fearless leaders, Benjie and Megan, I feel confident that God is calling me to Haiti! He led me to Isaiah 61:
            "He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the         prison to those who are bound.... And they shall rebuild old ruins, They shall raise up the former desolations, and they shall repair the ruined cities." While I know it won't be easy (for one thing, our team is by far the smallest, with only 4 students including myself and two leaders), I am clinging to the knowledge that God has something big for me to do in Haiti :) Needless to say, I am excited!
9- Ok, so that's only 9... But I got people to hang out with, stuff to learn and love to spread!